after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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