addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
