my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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