I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have fence marks all over my body
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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