Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
