You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
