I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
