Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
