On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
