once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
