Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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