I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
