Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
