quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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