Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
