If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
