i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
