that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
