JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I smell like Dick and happiness
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