all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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