Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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