the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
