I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
