Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
