im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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