i think my tv is drunk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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