We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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