At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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