would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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