things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
