I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
