She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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