we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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