Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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