your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
