I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
