Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
