So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
