I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh god the rape fog is back!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
