Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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