He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
