Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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