True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
