Don't you send me to vm
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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