I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
