My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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