Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
