I've blown a few things in my day
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
