I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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