I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
