We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
